Ready, Unready
by ImmaSmooshYou
Summary: Kurt always thought it was just him that was not ready for sex so when he is, he doesn't hesitate to make a move. Blaine never told Kurt that he's actually terrified of having sex, but he can't help wanting to give Kurt everything that he wants.


**Title:** Ready / Unready

**Author:** .com

**Rating:** NC-17

**Genres:** Kurt/Blaine, Hurt/Comfort, Pressuring, Non-Con

**Triggers: **dub-con, non-con, sexual assault, verbal abuse

**Word count:** 6,132

**Summary:** Kurt always thought it was just him that was not ready for sex so when he is, he doesn't hesitate to make a move. Blaine never told Kurt that he was once assaulted and that he's actually terrified of sex, but he can't help wanting to give Kurt everything that he wants. LET SLIP THE HOUNDS OF ANGST.

**WARNING: Triggers for non-con, dub-con, sexual assault, and verbal abuse.**

When Kurt Hummel walked through the hallways of McKinley High School, people tended to take notice. Usually it was due to his clothing – he always dressed to impress, turning every day of the week into an audition for Project Runway – but there was also something about his presence that had a habit of turning heads. He had a way of carrying himself which never left anyone in doubt that he had more than the average teen's share of confidence and class.

All of that was there today – the proud lift of his chin, the smooth roll of his hips that was so exaggerated it was almost a sashay – but there was also something extra. Kurt radiated excitement, which was most definitely not the norm for 8 o'clock in the morning even if it was a Friday. His gray eyes, usually fogged over with tiredness until at least second period, sparked as they combed the halls searching for one particular face. When he finally spotted the familiar head of dark curls (rigidly beaten into submission by hair gel), Kurt's heart stuttered and it was all he could do not to go running full-tilt toward his boyfriend like a hyperactive first-grader released at recess.

Though no one could ever accuse him of being as grouchy as Kurt, Blaine readily admitted to needing a bit of caffeine and a little time before he could truly be called functional in the morning. Usually he was able to come by both pretty easily. There was a coffee shop with a drive-thru on his route to the school and with Kurt unwilling to do much more than scowl for at least the first hour of the day, Blaine never had to worry about forcing his body to wake up faster than it wanted. It had become a comfortable routine to sit side by side in homeroom, Kurt grumbling and half-dead and Blaine groggily content, until caffeine was ingested and they were each conscious enough to be pleasant.

Today though, Blaine was sleepily trying to decide which books he needed to take when Kurt popped up beside him, twitching with nervous energy and wearing a dazzling grin that Blaine was completely unable to process.

"Uh. Morning, Kurt," said Blaine, blinking stupidly at his wholly over-animated boyfriend.

"Hello!" Suddenly feeling like he couldn't keep his hands to himself for another second, Kurt began smoothing down the collar of the other boy's crisp white button-down, simply to have something to touch.

Blaine hesitated. "I got you some coffee," he said, nodding to one of the two cups balanced on his geometry book, "But it doesn't look like you need it. Why are you so… awake?" His lips pulled into a tired grin in spite of himself. He loved seeing Kurt happy.

Kurt beamed and continued to flutter his hand over the front of Blaine's shirt, patting out imaginary wrinkles. "It's just a nice day!" When Blaine arched a brow, Kurt rolled his eyes but couldn't shake his happy grin. "Carol bought a new Keurig machine and it makes _really_good expresso, but I swear I only had one cup. …. Alright, a LARGE cup!" he added, seeing Blaine's smirk. "But I'd still be really happy today even without all the caffeine."

"Why's that?" Blaine asked, yawning and reaching for his own coffee.

In answer, Kurt lowered his eyes and leaned close enough that his lips came within inches of Blaine's neck. Blaine froze with his cup at his lips as he felt Kurt's very warm breath against his ear.

"I have a surprise for you after school. You're _really_going to like it."

Wide brown eyes, no trace of sleepiness in them now, searched Kurt's face for more explanation. But in his confusion Blaine had forgotten the cup in his hands and suddenly there was coffee everywhere – on his shirt, on the floor, on his homework. "Shit, shit," Blaine grumbled, frantically reaching for napkins that weren't there. Highly amused, Kurt tucked a hand under the ex-Warbler's elbow and towed him to the bathroom.

—

Blaine found it very hard to concentrate that day. _The Scarlet Letter_, the Antebellum Era, and reciting the different parts of a cell just couldn't compete with the mystery Kurt had planted in his brain. He found himself going over all their recent conversations, trying to see if there might be a clue hidden somewhere.

It had been a pretty normal week – busy of course – and most of the time the couple had spent together outside of school had been full of homework and learning lines for _West Side Story_. Of course, they had managed to sneak in some cuddling and – Blaine grinned reminiscently – some pretty hot make-out sessions, but of course nothing beyond that. But… There was that one evening a few nights ago…

They had been sitting in Blaine's bedroom when Kurt had unexpectedly brought up the subject of – well, not _sex_in so many words, but there were some innuendos that helped Blaine understand where his boyfriend's mind was.

Blaine had been taken off-guard by his boyfriend's question, something about … didn't Blaine ever fantasize about ripping each other's clothes off and getting… dirty? It was such a surprise hearing words like that come out of Kurt's mouth that for a moment Blaine didn't know how to respond.

Kurt had said before that he wasn't ready for sex and that was fine – more than fine, truthfully – with Blaine, and as far as Blaine was aware there hadn't been any change in that. Kurt wasn't ready, and as much as Blaine didn't want to admit it, even to himself, that was kind of a relief. Blaine loved Kurt and loved being with him and yes, eventually he knew he would love having sex with Kurt too, but he was more than happy to wait as long as it took for Kurt to get comfortable with the idea because…. maybe somehow… that would make Blaine comfortable with it too.

All day long Blaine puzzled over what the "surprise" could be, refusing to see what was probably completely obvious to everyone else. What sort of thing, he wondered over and over, would make Kurt that jittery, that excited?

Glee Club rehearsal was agonizingly long, but Kurt's energy seemed to have no end. He was on edge and tense, like he was waiting for the right moment to explode. Blaine found himself becoming nervous too as he watched, and when Kurt caught him alone in the choir room during a five-minute break and pressed a too-hard kiss to his lips before scampering away, Blaine began to really worry. After a moment, though, he scolded himself. Kurt was a baby penguin after all. The "surprise" was much more likely to be a new outfit or a new music video homage to Madonna he'd discovered on YouTube. Kurt could _not_ mean sex.

—

This rehearsal would. not. end. By the time Mr. Schue _finally_released them Kurt felt like a lit fuse. No, that wasn't true. He'd been a lit fuse much longer than just this afternoon. He'd been smoldering ever since last night when he'd finally come to the decision that would break new ground with his and Blaine's relationship.

He'd spent a lot of time thinking it over, patiently probing his own feelings as well as the depth of his feelings for his boyfriend, and he knew that it was time.

But Blaine, bless his heart, was forever committed to Kurt's comfort level, so much so that Kurt now wondered whether he might have to work pretty hard to convince Blaine that he _was_comfortable. But no, that was beyond ridiculous. Blaine knew him much better than that. He'd be able to see it in Kurt, and he'd know that Kurt wasn't saying anything he didn't mean.

True to the perfectionist in him, Kurt had made sure all the necessary arrangements were in place before he and Blaine got to his house that afternoon. The two of them would have total privacy; Burt and Carol were on an overnight trip visiting some of Carol's friends in Columbus, and Finn was taking Rachel to dinner and then to see some new rom-com. Kurt had hinted heavily to his brother that the two of them should stay out "as long as you want - _seriously_." Finn had stared for a few beats, then his face had crumpled and he'd requested not to be given any more details of Kurt's plans for the evening.

Kurt had even gone as far as stocking his bedside table with a pack of three condoms and a tiny bottle of lube – the most he could bring himself to buy, strategically sandwiched between normal purchases like shampoo and gum.

Yes, everything was in place and Kurt was ready and holy crow, how excited would Blaine be when Kurt announced he was _finally_ ready for sex!

—

"Kurt, is anything wrong?"

"Of course not. Why?"

"Well you've been sort of… weird today," Blaine said, fiddling with the knob of the radio as Kurt's suburban sped them down Kurt's street.

Kurt bit his lower lip and fought the urge to start bouncing in his seat. "I told you, I have a surprise for you. I'm just excited to give it to you, you know?"

"Oh."

It wasn't really the reaction Kurt was expecting, but he couldn't really hold Blaine's dubiousness against him. Kurt was the one being secretive after all.

"Don't sound so nervous," Kurt laughed, flicking his turn signal. "It isn't a make-over, I promise."

Blaine chuckled. "That _would_be terrifying."

Kurt lifted his chin and 'hmph'-d. "I wouldn't waste my talents on someone who couldn't appreciate them, anyway. I could buy you a whole new wardrobe and you'd still find some way to incorporate suspenders."

"You like the suspenders." Blaine unbuckled his seatbelt as the car came to a stop, but before he could open his door Kurt had fisted his hand in Blaine's shirt and pulled their mouths together in another hot kiss, rougher than the one in the choir room. When Kurt finally pulled away he was panting a little.

"I do like the suspenders," said Kurt, giving a wicked smile. Then he bounced out the driver's side door.

Blaine's throat felt a little dry all of a sudden. He loved, _loved_ kissing Kurt but there was something faintly unsettling about the kisses he'd received today. They were passionate, yes, but that wasn't so new. They just had so much _energy_all of a sudden. It felt as though Kurt was so overloaded with excitement that he was trying to push some of it through their joined lips into Blaine's own body.

Whatever this surprise was, it must be really good to make Kurt this happy. With that in mind, Blaine decided on the spot that he would be happy too. He trusted Kurt, and loved to give him anything that he wanted.

—

Once inside Kurt hustled them to his room immediately. Moments later Blaine was setting his school bag down on the end of Kurt's bed, no longer feeling nervous. They'd spent countless hours cuddling and watching movies and being just totally happy on this bed, and the nearness of those memories was reassuring. While he was still bent over, Blaine felt Kurt's arms slide around his waist and felt the warmth of Kurt's body pressed up against his back. Blaine smiled and Kurt loosened his hold enough to let him to turn around so they stood face to face.

"Hey." Blaine placed a kiss the tip of Kurt's nose. "So what is this surprise? Seriously you've had me on pins and needles all day. It's not fair."

Kurt smiled and lowered his eyes sheepishly as a blush crept into his cheeks. "I'm sorry about that, I didn't mean to tease you so much, it's just that I'm really excited."

"So I gathered! I'd love to know what's got you so wound up."

"Well…." Kurt looked down. These next words were infinitely easier to say to Blaine's chest than to his face with the sweet, concerned puppy-dog expression Kurt just knew he'd be wearing right now. "I've been thinking about it – a lot – and I finally realized… I'm ready. To have sex," he added immediately, before Blaine could ask. When the other boy didn't respond at once, Kurt hurried on. "And before you go all white knight on me and start asking whether I'm sure, I promise you that I am. I'm sure. I've thought about it intensely. I love you so much, Blaine Anderson, and all this time you've been so wonderful and respectful and you haven't tried to pressure me at all. I just… I know that this is the right time and that I'm not going to have any regrets. I want you, right now."

Then all at once Kurt was kissing him with a heat Blaine hadn't experienced before. Kurt's lips seared against his own. Hot breath blew into Blaine's mouth, and distantly he felt Kurt's hands drifting up his shoulders until they were cupping his face. Fingers slowly tangled themselves in his hair, and Kurt used his hold to wedge their hips securely together. His tongue flicked softly against Blaine's lower lip, seeking entrance, and Blaine complied without thinking. With a soft hum of elation Kurt tilted his jaw and began to explore his mouth.

Blaine's brain had definitely short-circuited. That was the only way he could interpret the blank white buzzing that seemed to be filling it. What had Kurt said? That he was ready? What did that mean? When had this happened? There had been no warning at all, no catalyst for the switch. And now suddenly this was happening. Kurt announcing his complete trust. Kurt who was kissing him with increasing passion and excitement, Kurt who was totally giddy and unafraid and wanting.

Blaine seemed to have just enough control over his body to stay standing, his hands firmly planted on Kurt's hips. When those hips began to roll slightly in a rhythm that seemed mostly subconscious, Blaine gripped them tighter, afraid of losing his lifelines. As he did this, Kurt made a noise in his throat that was almost a laugh and bucked deliberately so that the bulge of his erection nudged against Blaine's thigh. Blaine's brain shuddered back into action just at that moment, shooting out the order to all his muscles that something wasn't right. Blaine stiffened accordingly, his hands restraining Kurt's hips until the latter was forced to look up. Blaine hadn't even noticed Kurt had begun sucking warm kisses into the side of his neck.

Kurt gazed at the other boy, his expression a little puzzled. After a second he grinned again, his eyes slightly hazy with arousal. "You should see your face right now. You look like I just told you I'm straight or something."

"Kurt." Blaine was proud of himself for finally finding his tongue. Even more pleased to find that it still seemed to be working. "Kurt, I don't-"

"Now stop that!" Kurt tightened his hold on Blaine's face, shaking him just slightly and then kissing him lightly on the mouth. "You are not going to ruin this moment with any Disney prince behavior! I'm ready, Blaine. I want this, I want you. I promise. You don't need to be such a gentleman all the time."

Blaine felt his stomach clench uneasily around a bubble of guilt. Guilt for not being totally honest with Kurt, for playing the part of the concerned boyfriend so well, it seemed, that the idea that Blaine _wouldn't_ be over the moon at the prospect of sex apparently never entered Kurt's mind. But the truth was that Blaine _was_scared. He might even be terrified. And he had to make that clear to Kurt right now, before things went any further.

"Kurt, it isn't that. I-"

Blaine stopped dead. Kurt's brows had flown up and for just a fleeting second a look of doubt came into his huge grey eyes. Blaine felt like he was watching in slow motion as a door began to close, and he knew that any second Kurt would retreat back into himself because he, Blaine, would have confirmed what Kurt had suspected all along about himself – that he was not interesting, not sexy. Not wanted.

Something twisted in Blaine's chest, like his heart was in actual pain. He could not do that to Kurt. He would not let this beautiful boy think those things. Blaine took a breath, silently swallowing his nerves. It was abundantly clear to him – refusing Kurt now would cause too much damage. So he'd better not refuse.

It was easy to smile at Kurt after that, knowing that it was for his sake, that Blaine was doing the right thing and continuing to, in a way, protect him. "Nothing," Blaine said softly, pulling himself close against Kurt's chest. "I just wanted to make sure."

Kurt's body relaxed at those words; he seemed to become fluid in Blaine's arms, molding himself around the curves of Blaine's body. "Silly," he whispered, angling his neck to bring their lips together.

That tiny push of encouragement was all Kurt seemed to need. Within seconds his soft lips seemed to grow hungrier, hotter against Blaine's own. He was pressing against Blaine's chest again, needing to be closer.

Suddenly the back of Blaine's knees hit the edge of the bed and he buckled, unable to balance himself under Kurt's weight. He toppled over, crashing onto the mattress, and the tangle of their arms ensured that Kurt went over with him.

Kurt responded enthusiastically to the new position. He propped himself up on his knees between Blaine's thighs, keeping his mouth at Blaine's throat. His hands found the buttons of Blaine's shirt and tugged them apart. In seconds he was sliding his hands across Blaine's stomach, up his chest and down his sides.

Blaine closed his eyes and tilted his head back, trying to concentrate on the feel of Kurt's skin on his. He rolled his hips experimentally and was rewarded when Kurt let out a small groan. Kurt's hands became more erratic then, and every few moments Blaine would feel the sharp scrape of nails on his flesh. It felt good, and for a little while he believed that he might be able to do this _with_ Kurt and not just _for_ Kurt. Please, please…

Kurt was absorbed in what he was doing. He kissed his way rapidly down Blaine's chest and stomach, too eager to draw it out. He brushed his lips softly over Blaine's hip-bones, ghosted hot breaths into the wiry dark hair under his navel. Finally it seemed that he couldn't hold back any more and he began pulling frantically at Blaine's belt.

Blaine smiled weakly and unbuckled it himself, though his hands seemed to be shaking no less than Kurt's. Kurt pulled down the zipper and eased Blaine's jeans down to his ankles and then off entirely. Standing up he hobbled around for a few seconds, furiously wrestling his own pants to the floor. At some point he must've removed his shirt as well because suddenly there he was, naked except for his briefs.

Blaine reached out automatically and pulled Kurt over top of him again, pressing his hips down until their cocks brushed together through the fabric. Blaine gasped softly and Kurt moaned into his neck.

"_God_, Blaine."

"Kurt.." Blaine's voice was a raspy whisper.

"Do it again."

Blaine shut his eyes and rutted up into the other boy a second time, drawing out a louder whine of longing. He could just keep doing this, perhaps, could get a comfortable rhythm going until they both came and then afterward, while they were holding each other, then he could finally explain what he had never been able to bring himself to tell Kurt before. About why he was scared to have sex.

But Kurt wasn't about to let himself get distracted. After only a few thrusts he pushed himself away and sank back onto his knees. His expression was wild and he was panting slightly. A pale red flush sat high on his cheek bones. Then wordlessly he grasped Blaine's boxers and began to tug them down.

Blaine froze. His pulse was starting to quicken and not, he knew, from arousal. He seemed to be processing the whole thing very slowly. Once moment his boxers were around his knees, and it seemed like the very next second Kurt was ripping off his own. Then like… a _millisecond_ later, Kurt's mouth was back on his and his hands – oh god – his hands were wrapping around Blaine's cock.

Kurt's grip was tentative at first, only giving one or two timid strokes, and Blaine couldn't control how his body responded. Even while his mind was in a subdued state of panic, just seconds in Kurt's hands had Blaine achingly hard. Kurt whimpered into Blaine's mouth and began to fist him harder. Again Blaine would have loved to stay in that moment for hours, but after only a few minutes Kurt was bucking senselessly against his hip and begging in hoarse whispers for Blaine to fuck him.

Blaine's heartbeat stuttered. It may even have stopped. He knew with every piece of himself that he wouldn't be able to do it. He wanted to – so much that it hurt – but what he wanted to do and what he was capable of doing were currently worlds apart. Already, without Kurt's hand on his cock, Blaine felt himself softening fast.

"Kurt-"

The other boy looked up, his hair a crazy tangle, need evident in every feature of his gorgeous face.

Blaine swallowed. "Kurt, I think… I think you should be the one…"

Kurt merely looked bewildered.

"Kurt, I want you to fuck me."

Blaine held his breath, afraid to see what the response would be. He knew that it had to be this or nothing, and nothing was not an option. It came as both a surprise and relief when Kurt lunged at him, kissing him desperately.

"God that is so hot," he babbled into Blaine's mouth. "Yesyes-"

Kurt rolled to the edge of the bed and fished a condom and a small bottle of lube out of his bedside table. Blaine watched him move, feeling light-headed and terrified and determined to show none of it.

By the time Kurt returned to his side Blaine had composed himself as much as he could. He knew that what was coming would probably be bad, and he only hoped that he'd be able to keep it together and not hurt Kurt by letting him see.

Kurt popped open the lube and spread a large amount onto his fingers. "Are you ready, sweetheart?"

Blaine thought he smiled but he wasn't sure, and then rolled quickly onto his stomach. It was a relief to be facing away, would make it much easier to act like he was enjoying himself without having to remember his expression the whole time. Trying to be inconspicuous about it, Blaine got a grip on the sheets beneath him and uttered a breathy, "Yeah."

Kurt's slicked fingers probed gently against his entrance. Blaine clenched his jaw and his fingers dug down. He did his best to keep all his focus on the physical sensation. Kurt's touch was tender and thankfully he seemed content to work Blaine open slowly, stretching only a few degrees at a time. Blaine shut his eyes.

—

_The tile was cold against the naked skin of his back. He tried to flinch away, but the pressure over him returned and he gave helplessly beneath it. Rough hands jerked open the front of his pants. Blaine could hear his own ragged voice echoing off the walls, the same words over and over._

"Please.. Please, god, stop it.. Stop, please.."

—

Blaine let out a sharp gasp that pulled him back to the present. He realized he'd gone tense all over and that Kurt's fingers had stopped moving.

"Blaine? Honey, are you okay?"

Blaine forced his muscles to relax. He bobbed his head in a nod and said, in as steady a voice as he could, "Yeah. Sorry. That just feels… really good," he lied, squeezing his eyes closed. Reassured, Kurt resumed his slow stretching movements.

—

_The face looking down at Blaine was lean and strong and very handsome, the sort of face that Ralph Lauren models had. Blaine was pretty sure Mark had never modeled anything in his life, though, unless maybe it was sports equipment. That would've fit. Mark pitched for the varsity baseball team. His shoulders were broad and well-defined and he could break hearts with those arms. Even so, Blaine had never thought about Mark like that. Mark was as straight as they came. But the same could not be said for Mark's younger brother, Ethan._

Blaine and Ethan had been close friends for years, had shared a handful of important firsts together, and when the Sadie Hawkins dance had rolled around, it made perfect sense for the two of them to go together.

—

"Are you ready?" Kurt's voice cut through the silence and Blaine realized that his fingers were gone. In their place, he could feel a warm pressure that must be the tip of Kurt's cock, poised at his dripping entrance.

Blaine's heart leaped into over-drive, hammering in his ears until he could barely hear his own voice. "Yeah."

Kurt pressed in hesitantly, gasping as Blaine's heat seemed to swallow him up. "God, Blaine, oh my god. _Fuck._You feel so good, baby."

Blaine lowered his head, laying his face against the sheets. He bit down hard on his lower lip, not stopping even when the metallic tang of blood began to seep into his mouth.

—

_Blaine finished washing his hands and looked up at his reflection in the grimy mirror. How long would it take for these bruises to fade? He tilted his head, examining the bluish-grey marks that still peppered his jaw, the lingering swelling under his left eye. It had been over a week and these were the only visible injuries that Blaine still wore. The three jocks that had attacked them at the dance had been fairly careful not to land a lot of punches in places where it would be obvious. Blaine's stomach and spine still ached no matter how many painkillers he took. Two of Ethan's ribs had been fractured._

"

You_."_

Blaine started and looked up. Mark Hannigan was visible in the mirror over Blaine's shoulder.

"Hey Mark." The older boy didn't respond. Blaine hadn't had a lot of interaction with Ethan's older brother but he knew that the two of them were relatively close. Ethan looked up to his brother a lot, admired just about everything that he did. Blaine turned toward Mark, smiling politely. "How's Ethan doing? I was going to stop by your house after school today and visit, bring him some of our homework from Mrs. Steuber-"

"I don't want you at our house."

Blaine stared. "S-sorry?"

Mark took a step forward. "I said I don't want you at our house again. Ever."

Blaine would've backed up, but he was already flush against the edge of the sink. "Mark, I don't-"

"My brother almost died. Ethan could've gotten killed because of you."

The accusation bit, buried itself in Blaine's chest. He glared at the larger boy. "Those

guys_almost got Ethan and I both killed," he said angrily. "It wasn't my fault. I tried-"_

Suddenly Mark took an enormous stride forward and seized a fistful of Blaine's hoodie. He dragged Blaine away from the sinks and flung him toward the wall. Blaine yelled in pain as his sore back crashed against the unforgiving tile. When he looked up Mark was advancing again, growling like some kind of animal.

"I always knew you were a sick little fag."

—

"Blaine!"

Blaine didn't open his eyes or raise his head. He could hear Kurt's heavy breathing behind him. He felt Kurt's warm hands tight around his hips, guiding him, rocking them both at an increasingly faster pace.

"Yes… yes… _F-fuck_… Blaine… Ohmygod…"

Blaine clenched down around Kurt's cock, riding out the seconds until he hoped it would end. He was starting to feel terrifyingly disconnected from his body. A lot of parts seemed to have gone numb already and more parts were slipping away. His heart was pounding like it was going to explode. Just a few more seconds, only a little longer.

Blaine's chest shuddered as he moaned into the mattress.

—

_White stars of pain still swam in front of Blaine's eyes. Mark Hannigan darted between them, and Blaine realized a second too late that he should have tried to get away. The bathroom door was only a few feet away and now he would never get to it._

Blaine's feet rose a few inches from the ground as Mark pinned him to the wall, bringing all of his superior weight and height to bear. Blaine kicked out and thought he might've hit a knee, but then a thick arm slammed against his windpipe. Blaine gagged, tried to pull it away with both hands, tried to shift it just a few inches, he couldn't breathe-

"You're a sick little fuck, Anderson." Marks voice sounded far away now. "You know that? A sick little fuck, and you deserved everything you got. You should've got more- you should've- I'm gonna- I'll- give- give you-"

Blaine felt as the front of his shirt was yanked up, exposing his stomach. Mark still hadn't moved his arm from where it lay pressed across Blaine's throat, but he had lightened the pressure. Blaine flinched when the tile met his bare back. He couldn't tell what was going on. He struggled again, but that brought the pressure back. When it lifted again he drew in a desperate lungful of air.

"Mark…" Blaine couldn't get out anything louder than a whisper and even that took an enormous effort and left him winded. "Mark, please… Stop, god, please.. Let go… Please…"

Mark was saying something, Blaine could feel his mouth right beside his ear. Mark also seemed to be shaking, his arm and shoulders were thrashing strangely.

Suddenly Blaine felt a hot, wet slickness on his bare stomach. He knew then, dimly, what was going on but it still didn't make any sense . He sucked in a breath, fighting to stay conscious.

"Stop, please… Just let me go."

He couldn't hear what Mark was saying, but he seemed to be talking to himself anyway. With the hand that had recently been curled around his own dick, Mark wrenched the front of Blaine's jeans open . Blaine struggled wildly, knew that he had to be kicking out with his legs – weren't his legs still there? – but then his throat closed again and he had to go limp.

Mark had gotten Blaine's pants down to mid-thigh and his clammy, sweaty hand was searching down the front of the smaller boy's boxers. Blaine fought to inhale through his nose, pulling in a little at a time. His head swam sickeningly and his body was shaking with terrified sobs.

"Please… please… please…"

Over and over he begged. Mark had hold of him now, was jerking him far too roughly. His callused palm dragged over Blaine, making him cry out even though he was trying to conserve oxygen. It seemed to go on and on.

"You like that, don't you, you little bastard? You sick little freak. You love getting touched by a guy. This gets you off, doesn't it?"

The greatest mercy of Blaine's life was the moment he'd blacked out.

—

As these memories swarmed his brain, Blaine almost wished he could black out again. He wanted this to be over, and the quiet nothing of unconsciousness was incredibly inviting. But he made himself stay put, locking every muscle into place because now was not the time to slip away. He wasn't in that tiny bathroom. The surface beneath him was bedsheets, not tile. He wasn't pressed to a wall. Mark Hannigan wasn't here.

"Blaine," Kurt moaned weakly. "Oh _fuuuck_, Blaine, I'm so close… Blaine I'm gonna-"

_Kurt_. Blaine could feel his molars creaking as he clenched his jaw harder, past ordering and now just begging his body not to give out. He didn't want to freak out, he didn't want to lose it now. Poor Kurt, poor Kurt. But the more he thought of his sweet Kurt behind him, the harder the guilt and terror dragged at him until Blaine felt himself sliding over the edge into full-on panic.

Kurt clutched at Blaine's hips like they were the only thing keeping him linked to the earth . He was so close, so very close. Though his eyes were closed he thought he could feel Blaine shaking beneath him and the very thought that his boyfriend might be coming was too much to stand. Kurt bucked wildly and felt the coil in his stomach twist and release. He was coming with a yell, buried deep in Blaine's ass.

Body trembling from the force of his orgasm, Kurt let his chest slide down to rest against Blaine's back. Beneath him, Blaine was still shaking. Had he finished after all?

Though he was exhausted and his muscles were aching and the most wonderful thing in the world right now would be to lie down on the bed, Kurt reached around and under Blaine, wanting to be helpful.

"Mm, baby, do you want me to-"

"No!"

Kurt froze. There wasn't the faintest hint of arousal in Blaine's voice. Blaine continued to tremble, and lying across him Kurt suddenly became aware that the force of it was shaking them both.

Kurt sat up immediately, the movement causing him to slide out of Blaine. He stared at Blaine's hunched body, unable to see his face over the curve of his shoulders.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter? Did I hurt you?" Instinctively Kurt reached out again, and was horrified when Blaine actually flinched away from his touch.

Blaine collapsed onto his side, one arm raised as though to shield himself from a blow. There were tears on his cheeks and the place where his face had been pressed to the sheets was soaked.

"_Blaine!_" Kurt's eyes took in all of Blaine, searching for some kind of injury.

Blaine shook his head, still gasping into the bed and apparently not able to speak. But he did lower his arm. Cautiously Kurt crawled toward him. When Blaine didn't shrink away, Kurt moved closer and very carefully pulled Blaine into his arms.

"Oh god, oh my god, Blaine, I'm so sorry!" Kurt could feel tears on his own face. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I swear."

Blaine panted against Kurt's chest, still shaking his head. "Kurt… Kurt… You didn't…" But then he was shivering again and it seemed to be a struggle just to breathe. Utterly terrified, Kurt held him close and rested his forehead against Blaine's shoulder. After a while he seemed to be calming down.

"Kurt," he mumbled thickly, raising his head. His eyes were full of pain and apology.

"Shh," Kurt whispered, tugging him closer. "I'm so sorry, Blaine."

"No, it's not your fault." Blaine pushed himself upright, his breathing still a bit heavy. "Please believe me. You did not hurt me, Kurt." He said it meaningfully, resting a hand against the side of Kurt's face.

Kurt couldn't help but believe him when he said it like that.

"What happened? Tell me."

Blaine sighed. "There was something I should've told you before… Probably a long time ago- no, definitely a long time ago. I just didn't want you to- to worry, I guess, or to freak out."

"_Blaine_."

Haltingly and with a great deal more tears Blaine told Kurt about Mark Hannigan. He left nothing out, guilt driving him to be brutally and even graphically honest. Kurt held him, told him over and over that no, of course he wasn't angry. He could see exactly why Blaine had tried to block all of that out of his mind. Just hearing about it was terrifying. But they would get through this, now that Kurt knew.

—

Hours later, when the sound of a door slamming signaled that Finn was home, Kurt and Blaine were cuddled together under Kurt's comforter. Kurt lay on his back, one arm curved protectively around Blaine's waist while Blaine's head resting contentedly on his shoulder. Of course they would get through this. Blaine didn't need to be the strong one every time.


End file.
